Another year’s gone by, another full trip around the sun, and now I’m turning 26.
I hear “proper adults” (that’s what I call them) going on and on—“Where has the time gone?!”—any chance they get: birthdays, weddings, Christmas, even funerals. Honestly, though, I really do feel like I blinked, and suddenly I went from 20 to 26.
But I don’t see that as something negative. Our society is totally hooked on not just getting older, but also trying to dodge it. Here’s the truth: getting older (ageing) is the most natural thing that can happen to any of us.
We shouldn’t want to slow it down or stop it—we should embrace it, with all it brings.
Why? Because ageing is a privilege, and not everyone gets to experience it.
When I was 18, a friend of mine from sixth form was hit and killed by a freight train while he was out running. I still think about him a lot.
It’s heartbreaking—he was so sweet, caring, and smart, yet he never reached his 19th birthday. He never went to university, never traveled the world, never got married or became a father. And those who were closest to him—his family and dear friends—have felt the dizzying heartbreak of losing him and the empty space he left behind ever since.
The thing is, we never really know what’s going to happen—to us or to the people we love. That’s absolutely terrifying. But it should serve as a reminder, every single day, to be thankful when you open your eyes in the morning—because not everyone gets that privilege.
The first half of my 20s has been jam-packed with life lessons.
During this time, I built a career and two businesses. I went through the pain of losing both of my wonderful grandmothers. I learned so much about love, romance, and friendship—about being loved and loving someone back.
Loss and heartbreak have woven themselves into the fabric of my life during this period. Sometimes, the hurt was so strong I felt it physically. But despite everything, I wouldn’t change a single thing.
Like a sunflower, I’ve kept growing, drawn by the light of what’s truly important to me. And that’s the same light guiding me into the future, further toward the life I’ve always dreamed of.
So, without further ado, here are the 12 most life-changing lessons I’ve picked up so far:
1. Don’t Ever Expect Anyone to Change for You
One of the biggest mistakes I see in friendships and relationships is expecting someone to change for you. Having been on the receiving end of that, trust me—it never helps.
When you first meet someone, the person you’re seeing is who they really are—bad habits, flaws, and all. If you don’t like who they are, someone else out there will. So asking or even hoping they’ll change for you is not only selfish; it’s just plain unfair.
The only one who can change someone is themselves—but it has to come from inside. People don’t transform because somebody else pushes them to. That only breeds anger and resentment.
2. You Can’t Fight for Something If Only One Person Wants to Save It
When you love someone—friend, family member, or romantic partner—it’s ridiculously tough to let them go or see the situation for what it is.
Sometimes, this might be somebody you assumed would be around forever (like my best friend, who ghosted me for an entire year). But sometimes, life happens, people grow, and before you know it, that easy, comfortable feeling between you has turned raw and jagged.
Suddenly, you’re both on edge, and neither of you can figure out why. I’ve experienced times when I put my whole heart into saving something, but it still fell apart because the other person just didn’t have the same desire to make it work.
When that happens, it’s no longer about love or loyalty—it’s about self-respect. You simply cannot fight for something only one person wants to save. At that point, you owe it to yourself to say, “It’s time to walk away.”
3. If You Find Someone with a Beautiful Heart—Hold On Tight
We idolize people for their looks in our society. Beautiful faces are everywhere, especially with makeup, surgery, and a million-and-one beauty products so readily available.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned so far, it’s that a lot of “beautiful” people don’t have much depth underneath—and I don’t say that lightly.
I have so much admiration and love for my closest friends and my family for exactly that reason: at their core, they are truly good people, and I feel so lucky to have them in my life.
We often think of “beauty” as being strictly about appearances, but real inner beauty shines out of someone. So when you do meet a person with a genuinely beautiful heart, hold onto them—they’re rare gems.
4. F*ck Timing—The Time Will Never Be “Just Right”
If you ask me, the whole idea of “the right time” is a social construct, designed to scare us away from chasing our dreams or doing what’s best for us.
There will never, ever be a “perfect” time to do anything—and that idea of a “perfect time” is completely subjective anyway. For someone who’s always dreamed of having kids, the right time might be 21, while for someone else, that same age could be a total disaster.
If you spend your life waiting for the ideal moment, you’ll be waiting forever. Sure, sometimes timing may be more convenient, but don’t miss out on people, places, or opportunities just because you’re looking for some mythical sign from a clock that doesn’t even exist.
Life is happening now—today, not tomorrow or six months from now. You owe it to yourself not to sit on the sidelines.
5. Don’t Punish New People for Mistakes Made by Those in the Past
A big mistake I’ve seen my friends make is punishing new partners for the sins of their exes.
I get it—once you’ve been hurt, those insecurities can take root. But it’s unfair to treat someone new in a negative way for something they never did and likely never will do.
When you start something fresh with someone, they deserve an open heart and the benefit of the doubt. Without trust, you’re basically setting yourselves up for failure.
I’ve had my own heart broken multiple times, but I still go into new situations feeling hopeful that this time will be different. And if it’s not, then it’s simply not meant to be, and I’ll walk away with new lessons under my belt.
We have to embrace it all—the hurt and the heartbreak. Without those lows, we wouldn’t appreciate the highs.
6. Ignore What People Say—Watch What They Do
In life, people will say what they think you want to hear. Think about the last time someone disappointed you: it probably happened because they said one thing and did another.
Some of the best advice I’ve ever received is this: forget what people tell you and judge them by their actions instead. Actions always show a person’s true intentions and can spare you a lot of confusion and heartbreak later on.
Believe people when they show you who they are.
7. When It Comes to Love—Don’t Accept Anything Less Than Total Magic
I’m only human. In the past, I’ve been single and bored and gone out with people I knew weren’t “long-term” material. They were nice, smart, attractive—but deep down, I wanted to like them more than I actually did.
Looking back, I realize it wasn’t fair to keep seeing someone I knew I’d never seriously commit to. But people do that all the time—especially men, in my experience.
If I’m going to be in a real relationship, I need to be with someone who absolutely knocks my socks off from the start—someone I love being around, who excites me, and inspires me to be better.
I see so many people settling in relationships, but if you’re going to call someone your partner, you deserve real magic. I’m 26 and have only been in two relationships—one I consider “serious.” But in both cases, I felt that spark. After the first ended, I waited four whole years to find someone who measured up. And it was worth every second.
Companionship alone isn’t a good enough reason to commit. If you can’t see a real future together, you’re both wasting time.
As Jill Robinson famously said, “There are too many mediocre things in life—love shouldn’t be one of them.”
8. Love Is Not the “Final Solution” to Happiness
It’s sad that a person can have an amazing, fulfilling life—a great career, wonderful friends, and a loving family—and still, others might say their life isn’t “complete” until they find a romantic partner.
This is especially true for women—people still use the old “bachelor vs. spinster” labels, and women in their 30s get asked constantly if they have a partner or want to “settle down” and have kids. Meanwhile, men the same age get a free pass.
So many people treat love like the ultimate solution. But love won’t “save” you. It won’t make you like yourself any more than you currently do. It won’t magically fix your life or make you feel complete.
Real happiness and contentment have to come from being comfortable in your own skin and creating a life that’s satisfying on its own. If, one day, you lose your job or your partner or your friends, you can still find ways to be happy.
If you spend your life waiting—waiting to be thinner, richer, or in your dream relationship to finally be happy—you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of chasing something that’s always out of reach.
Finding love and sharing your life with someone is a beautiful bonus—but it isn’t the be-all and end-all of happiness.
9. Self-Respect Is the Compass That Guides You Through Everything
The number one thing that’s helped me deal with tough times is self-respect.
For example, I got fired from my first graduate job after they wrongly accused me of lying about being in the hospital. I had proof I was there, but the damage was done. And even after they realized their mistake, there was no way I would go back to work for a company that had thrown me under the bus at the first chance.
Self-respect has guided me through countless situations—relationships, friendships, work, and family dramas. Never, ever let go of your own self-respect. Know your worth, and know when someone or something is taking advantage of your kindness.
If you let people walk all over you once, they’ll keep doing it.
10. The Most Valuable Gift Someone Can Give You Is Their Time
“Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.” — Theophrastus
These days, we’re under so much pressure from every direction—work, social media, you name it. So when someone chooses to spend their free time with me, I see it as an incredible gift.
Time is precious, but too many people treat it like it’s endless. So when loved ones choose to hang out with me, I try my best to be fully present. If they’re speaking, I’m not just nodding along—I’m truly listening.
Put your phone down. Don’t let all those meaningless notifications ruin genuine, in-person moments. At the end of our lives, nobody wishes they’d spent more hours scrolling Instagram.
Use your time wisely if you want a life that’s truly happy, enriched, and fulfilling.
11. Don’t Live Your Life for Other People
It’s tough to see how deeply societal norms, personal biases, and pressure from family and friends can shape our decisions—often without us realizing it.
For example, my parents would be thrilled if I just found a secure job working for someone else and climbed the career ladder. Why? Because they love me and think that’s the “safe” choice.
Of course, nobody wants their 24-year-old daughter taking a huge risk by being self-employed. But I knew it was right for me, and now my life is infinitely better than it was when I was stuck in the system, living for my next paycheck.
If my early 20s taught me anything, it’s to pause and ask: “What do I actually want out of life? What do I need to be happy? What impact do I want to have on the world and my loved ones, and how can I make it happen?”
It’s been anything but straightforward. But try not to get dragged down by what people say you “should” be doing at your age. Do what’s right for you.
Stop living for other people’s expectations, and always, always, ALWAYS trust your gut.
12. You Are So Much More Than How You Look
All through my early 20s, my weight swung up and down, just like it did in my teens.
That brought a lot of old insecurities back to the surface, but it also felt different this time. Because no matter how my weight changes or how I look, I know—just as surely as I know my own name—that I’m so much more than my appearance. I am, and always will be, worthy of love, kindness, and respect.
Not just from others, but from myself. People throw around the term “self-love” a lot these days, but I’ve truly learned to love my body for being the incredible, adaptable machine it is.
It keeps me alive, fights illness, and lets me live a mobile, privileged life—something my work with disability charities has taught me never to take for granted.
When I was a kid, all I wanted was to be pretty and have boys like me. Now I see that I have so much more to offer than just a nice face or figure.
It’s been a wild six years, and I can’t wait to see what’s next.
Life is this ever-shifting, amazing adventure—even during the hardest moments, the depression, and the heartbreak, I’m thankful I get to live through it all.
With every day that passes, I feel myself growing into the woman I’ve always wanted to become. She’s a force of nature and someone I’m proud to be.
Thank you so much for reading.
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